I know that out of love many people are wondering what I am doing now! Thank you for your love and support, I could feel your prayers with me this summer. Here is an update on where I am now.... :)
While in Guatemala this summer, God made a few things very clear to me. First, the following quote sums up what I felt over the past few months while serving in Guatemala:
"Yet the grief I feel is sweet as well as bitter. I still have a sorrowful soul: yet I wake up each morning joyful, eager for what the new day will bring. Never have I felt as much pain…yet never have I experienced as much pleasure in simply being alive…Never have I felt so broken; yet never have I felt so whole. Never have I been so aware of my weakness and vulnerability; yet never have I been so content and so strong. Never has my soul been more dead; yet never has my soul been more alive. What I once considered mutually exclusive—sorrow and joy, pain and pleasure, death and life—have become parts of a greater whole. My soul has been stretched.
As I spent time with God, reading his Word, and pouring my heart out to him in prayer; he continually told me the same thing. He called to me loudly and made his voice known to heart. God worked in me in an unbelievable way. God continually spoke to me about the same thing. Although I will not go into full detail about what God said to me (unless you would like to hear more about it), God did give me a call. He called me to change my life; to make a solid decision to follow him full throttle no matter what that meant; a call to be obedient. My prayers for the past few months consisted of me begging God to show me where he wants me; what he wants me to do. Although I loved my job as a teacher at Enota, it was my ministry and my passion, God made it clear to me that He had different plans for me. I struggled with him about this for a few months.... Are you sure you want me to leave my job, I love my job? Do you really want me to just give up everything and jump? How am I going to do this?! Wouldn't it be smarter to just work for a year and save money and then go (money has always been something I've worried about)?
I was begging God for details and because of the constraints of my human mind, I was trying to figure out a plan. I searched and searched.... and God told me this, "Seeking direction from God goes against the modern mind's reliance on self. Our culture teaches us to take charge of our lives and call our own shots. It is horrible when we use human cleverness instead of faith in God. Unbelief often clothes itself in "being smart". We use cleverness to cover the tracks of our lack of faith. Those who walk in faith admit that they don't know how everything is going to work out; but they insist that their God will supply nonetheless." (while reading "Fresh Faith" by Jim Cymbala)
God made a promise to me that he has something for me to do. He told me that I was to go into the mission field and to do his work. I do not know how I will financially find the support I need to be a missionary, I do not know all the answers or the "hows"... but I know God. And I know his promise. And I know that the only thing I want to do is be obedient to the Lord. When Jesus walked, some people followed and some people didn't. The people who did follow did not ask questions. They did not wait. They left everything and followed.
I know that God is calling me to something.... to love God and to love People. I will not be returning to work at Enota this school year, and will miss it tremendously. I am home in Gainesville for a few months raising support to go to Spanish school and then to Discipleship Training School through YWAM. This organization is wonderful and opens so many doors to serve God and to love and help people. I am passionate about fighting for kids at risk... "Love until it hurts". with my model and example being Jesus Christ and his compassionate response to the needs of all. I want to either work with YWAM's mercy ministry or Kids at Risk programs.
My heart: As I read God's word I am convinced of God's total commitment to help those who are suffering. Relieving pain and suffering is at the heart of who God is. True Christianity is about helping people. I never want to waste a second of my life pursuing insignificant things. To love God and to Love people.... to know God and to make him known.... to wake up each day with a sense of eternal purpose.
If you are interested in supporting my call to missions in response to your call through the great commission, please contact me. I will be raising support until I have enough to "go into the world"...