beautiful soul

My heart is breaking within me.... looking into those big brown eyes Saturday was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do- Izzy was a part of our family, and was such a huge love of ours. For the past few months we've seen him almost every other day- just last week he was asleep on my sofa waiting while I cooked lunch, picking on me with the other guys, telling me about the incredible things that God was revealing to him. Just 2 months ago he entered my house with tears streaming down his face to share with me the news he had just received that he had AIDS.

Just last Monday as we sat at the doctor- we heard about how severe and advanced the sickness was. He only had 20 defenses verses millions of AIDS viruses. After we left that appointment, Carlos basically had to carry his to a taxi as we went to take him to lunch- he was so weak with half of his body numb. That is when God sent us the two prophets who declared marvelous things over his life- words of healing and prophesy.

Many people who heard about these words are now confused- trying to understand in their minds why God did those things- why he said those things and then not do them.

I had all night to sit and process alone as Carlos was at the hospital helping make arrangements, helping transport the family, accompanying them to see Israel and grieve over his body. I was at the house alone- in shock- waiting- crying- and praying.

The next day I was thinking about that night before- when our ministry team had gather together and asked God for a healing-to save him, we had poured out our hearts and souls to the Lord and asked him to intervene- that he would not delay. We wanted a miracle. What happened? We just wanted to understand. Later, I talked with a doctor who informed that due to the way in which Izzy passed away, it was evident that he had AIDS since 2011. As I washed dishes, it hit me: God answered our prayers exactly. HE did everything we had asked him to do. He was faithful.

2 months ago as Israel sat at my table in tears after he received his news- I asked him if there was one thing he could change about his life, what would it be. He responded "having ever been born- every single day of my life has been a struggle and filled with pain". At the hospital the day he died, I asked him how he was, he said "tired". A boy of 20 years old- and he was tired. In Isaiah 40 God says that "Even youths grow tired and weary"- I had never thought of that before- I know tons of youth, they work hard, play hard, endlessly- but I've never known them to be tired- not this kind of tired. Izzy was tired of living, and tired of fighting. He was tired.

God answered us. Our sweet friend received the ultimate healing- God healed and saved his soul. Knowing that he had AIDS for over 2 years brought even more clarity and revelation of God's goodness- God DID save him. If Izzy had found out that he had AIDS 2.5 years ago, he would have hated God... he could have even died within that first year and a half and would have most likely closed his eyes into darkness- an eternity of suffering and separation from God. God DID intervene- 2.5 years ago when he saw this boy sick (unknown to Izzy) God began to work. He sent people to love him, to walk with him, to show him Jesus. God rescued him from where he was... he took him off the streets, he went to great lengths to reach and heal his heart, God showed him who He was, God gave him life eternal. He saved him from the streets, from death into darkness, and now in Izzy's death he has saved him from any further darkness or pain of suffering. He received the ultimate and eternal healing.

Izzy's dream was to rescue thousands, to be a missionary, and to save people from a life of darkness in exploitation and prostitution. His dream did not die with his body- that dream will be fulfilled. Every person who met Izzy at our YWAM base and the people who serve with our ministry- had their lives changed. His testimony and his heart and passion for the Lord changed the lives of us all. His life and story in my heart has given me more passion than ever to help those in need, and to take Jesus's love to the most desperate of people... I have a passion and desire like never before to see God's kingdom come to Earth.

I have seen a life transformed... and a victorious ending. Though I am mourning the loss of someone I dearly love- and trying to learn how to walk through this process- I am thankful that for the first time, this child is experiencing joy, rest, love, acceptance, peace... and he finally has a father.