Lessons from the homeless

Sometimes those of us who have grown up hearing all of our lives that the Lord has a plan for our lives, lose the real weight that that ‘truth’ carries. We hear that truth and it only hits us like a nonchalant phrase, like any other thing we might hear in the day, like saying “nice afternoon”. 

Last weekend, a man walked up to our car while we were doing street ministry. He grabbed the arm of my husband and rested his face against it and began to sob.... he wept. He told us how he had lost everything in his life because of alcohol. He told us his heartbreaking life story. He told us how many times he had tried to kill himself but each time restrained from doing so out of fear. I pointed out to him that that fear was the Holy Spirit, the spirit of life, stopping Him. I told him that God had a plan for his life and that God loved him.... as I spoke those words, his fixed his eyes on mine. He said, "It was you. It was your voice I heard when I was trying to kill myself that told me to stop". I wanted to giggle. How sweet, but oh so wrong. When we don't know the "voice of truth", how can we identify it when it speaks to us? The Lord was speaking to that man but because no one had ever told him those words before, he was confused. 

I have learned so many things from the people on the streets. First a strong confirmation that satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. That is blatantly obvious after just one encounter with these guys. Secondly, that these people need not be treated as modern day lepers, but as broken and desperate individuals in need of a Savior. 

Although everything they may say could be a lie, at least they are looking- they realize that they are desperate and are painfully aware that their only hope lies in God.... they are painfully aware of the fact that they are completely desperate and NOTHING without the Lord.. a truth that we are all at the mercy of but few of us realize.... 

Might they have one advantage over us? Although many of us may neglect, they are constantly reminded that we can not go one day, take one step, have one victory, overcome, or have the least bit of TRUE HOPE without the Lord. They realize their "rock bottom" because it is such a physically obvious reality... how much scarier when we have "rock bottoms" that aren't so obvious and run the risk of going unnoticed... such as the spiritual rock bottoms where we drift away from the Lord, our hope. 

Why are they so moved by such a simple word from God? Perhaps because they are desperately hungry.... longing.... Let us all have that same hunger to hear from the Lord. Let us not grow self-sufficient, or too independent.. or so enamored by the American dream of success that we forget that each and every success comes from the Lord. Let us be AWARE of His hand in our life... and our DAILY need for Him. 

The man we met on the streets last weekend broke my heart in half. As I listened to him weep, I felt not the slightest bit of judgment, but just complete brokenness for him... I can't imagine how deeply the Lord hurts for this man while he watches his suffer. I can imagine how deeply the Lord longs for this man, and knows how his life could be... and how desperately He desires to set him free. 

(The following day this man called Carlos and I... he was clean and ready to start a new life. He was done. And he was serious. We are in the process of helping him find a christian rehabilitation center.) 

(Below: a different friend from the street)

mother's day- the lost children

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!" Isaiah 49:15

As I sit here as a married missionary with no natural children on mother's day, I am reminded by the Lord what a blessing it is to be a mother- what a powerful thing.. mother's show an aspect of God's character and nature that is so precious and unexplainable.

When we say, "a mother's heart", everyone has an image that comes to mind on just what that means. Most people have a better inclination when they hear "mother's heart" then when they consider God as "father".

I know that when I think of God's qualities that He chose to display through mothers, I understand a side of Him that makes me feel safe, a side that makes me giggle, and a part that lets me know I am dearly loved.

However, this mother's day is different for me. Although I am apart from my own mom- and do not have my own 'children'- nor would I ever claim to have any idea of what a mother feels for her own child- I do have children in my life that to the extent to which I am able, I feel like they are partially my own.

I think of a little girl who I work with who is brutally beaten by her own mother. She has no father- and the mother that is supposed to offer her a loving home sells her to be raped. I think of this little girl just a few weeks ago laying on my lap giggling and I can't even imagine how she finds the ability to laugh.

It breaks my heart in half to see how generations of sin and hate of God's ways has literally destroyed the very thing that God graciously placed inside of mothers.

I think of the young girls who I work with who were kicked out of their house when they were 6 because their mother preferred alcohol over feeding her own children. I have the face of a 7 year old young boy I see throughout the week who roams the streets high on drugs because his own mother, the only person he had left, decided that he was not worth her time. I think of the little girl who cries in my arms weekly because her mother hates her... and this little girl is rotting on the insider, desperate to earn her mother's affections.

It breaks my heart to be the only person who remembers a child's birthday when their mother lives in the same town.... or to see a child sold by her mother for sex just to earn some extra cash...

I think of my beloved Izzy, who died this year from AIDS which he contracted while being sold as a prostitute- who ended up on the streets as a prostitute at 6 years old because his mother turned her back to him... because her mother chose sin over her own child. I can't understand how anyone could 'not' chose him.... Carlos and I loved him like he was our own son, at least to the furthest extent that we (who have never born natural children) can understand or conceive. My heart longs for this boy on mother's day... and my heart longs for the millions of kids who have no one else longing for them this day, this day that we set aside to celebrate the very gift of children, called "mother's day".

Often I question this burdened "mother's heart" that the Lord has blessed me with.... most times it is painfully debilitating... as I watch children desperate to feel a mother's embrace..... my heart breaks within me.... I want to take them all.

I know that the more we know the Lord, and the more than He begins to fill and heal every area of our own lives, the more we begin to see His mother's heart. The qualities of His own nature that He has manifested within mother's, trying to show the world how desperately He loves them, desires to take care of them, and how faithful he is to His children. The Lord has a father's heart indeed, but He also has a mother's heart.... if fact, I believe that His heart is so big that He had to make to genders in order to even begin to give us a little glimpse of who He was. My prayer is that children in this world can know God's mother heart.... that this parentless generation can see God's heart manifested through us, the church. God, heal this broken world.

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!" Isaiah 49:15

The Herrera 3 in Costa Rica!

We are so happy to add one more Herrera to the YWAM San Jose missionary community! No, we are not having a baby! Carlos's younger brother, Moises, is here with us for 5 months doing the Discipleship Training School!!!!

We are so excited about what the Lord will do in his life in these 5 months! The Discipleship Training School (DTS) changed my life as well as Carlos's when he did it 5 years ago. Carlos describes his DTS as his "honeymoon with Jesus". I don't think I could even begin to describe mine..... dedicating 5 months of your life to SEARCH for God, 3 months in a classroom and 2 months on 'outreach'.... it's indescribable. I encountered God in a way I had never before, He touched my hear like never before- lies were broken about myself and about my image of who God was- and I feel madly in love with the Lord..... God used that time to SPEAK crazy prophecies over my life that melted my heart and that I still have a hard time accepting.... this is the time when God confirmed both mine and Carlos's calling OVER, and OVER, and OVER again- calling us to missions and "to the nations". This is a 5 months of heart transformation- where believers are transformed into disciples. What a beautiful thing! We are so excited to walk this journey with our 'little' Herrera (even though he's tall), Moises. He has such a beautiful spirit and a HUGE heart!

I of course am loving running around telling everyone that there are now 3 Herrera missionaries at the base- (of course I want to remind everyone that I have a latino last name)! We are loving having him over for Sunday night "family dinners"- tonight we even made the El Salvadorian notorious food: pupusas! We can't wait to take Moises to the streets with us, and share our ministry with him! The girls from our ministry came to the YWAM base last week and just had a fit over how cute Moises was! They all love him already! What a POWERFUL thing- for these women and girls to see an example of a Godly, latino man! We are loving watching Moises grown in the Lord and excited for how he is going to impact nations making known the God that he is daily getting to know more intimately!

Pictures at the airport when we picked Moises up!

The 3 Herrera's in Costa Rica! 

First photo, right of the plane!!! Of course, I was like the mom with the camera and the welcome sign! How embarrassing for the guys! 

My brother-in-law!!!!! How fun!!! 

lost masterpieces- street corner encounter

As I sat on the curb for 35 minutes, talking to my friends, God gave me a small glimpse of His heart for them. These 2 guys, my friends who are transvestites, have lived dark and damaging lives that I can scarcely imagine. Their stories are unbelievable... and unjust. 

One of them, Nicole*, introduced me to the other one, Isabel*, a few weeks before. When we walked up, Nicole said to a reluctant Isabel, “no, don’t worry, these are the ‘real’ ones. These are my friends who love us and are here to help us. They don’t judge.” She went on to explain that we were the only people who truly loved and cared about the people who work on the streets; and that God sends us to them each week. 

Now a few weeks later, I sit beside the two of them on the ground and talk about life and identity. Nicole told me how everyone goes around trying to fill a hole they have inside... and in the process they all end up hurting and abusing others. I agreed to that truth; and added that after that hole is filled with God, you are free to engaged in relationships where you can bless the other person by giving instead of always taking. Nicole looked at me, and agreed saying, “that’s why I love when you come here. You always come to give. You're the only ones who give.” These transvestites shared that they had literally never had a relationship, a friendship even, or even a relationship with a parent, in which the other person GAVE to them instead of TOOK from them. 

We talked about identity... and God gave me an image.. an image of Him as He was forming them, and He was creating an original masterpiece. I wondered what it was that God was thinking when He created these guys. I wonder what dreams He had for them; what gifts He decided to plant in them; what blessings He wanted to lavish upon them; what He wanted them to be ‘when they grew up’; how desperately He wanted to walk that dream out with them.

I know that this is not the life God has for them. I know that the enemy did so much damage to rob that life from both of them. As I spoke truth into their lives about their value and worth as people, and I told them that their value is unquestionable, not matter what life choices they had made; Nicole got goose bumps and teary eyed. I wondered how it was possible that no one had ever told them this before. How did they not know? How could no one have told them as children that they were special.

We talked for a long time sitting on that street corner. A bus drove by and people hatefully threw things out the windows...soda bottles, trash- yelling horrible things that fed these lies that have been planted in their hearts- and I saw the hurt in their eyes. They shared with me that their entire life has been filled with rejection; beginning long before they became transvestites. 

As we prayed over them, tears gently rolled down their face. Nicole told me that he always feels something when we pray for him... he feels an energy and she gets goose bumps; he feels this presence like he has never felt before that he says he is unable to explain. 

Relationships. You begin to see people differently when you have a relationship with them... when you take the time to hear their stories that are so filled with pain... when you allow God to share a little piece of His heart for them with you. A transvestite can transform right before you eyes- you can see the broken little boy, a little child, hurt and abandoned- your heart is able to break with them- your heart is able to break with God's. 

redemption and a movie

As I look at Ella watching the movie with her 3D goggles on, my heart is so filled. Her eyes are glued to the screen with a permanent smile on her face. She is so inthralled with being there that she doesn't even respond when something shocking happens in the movie.... she is holding onto her popcorn with both hands, eating it slowly so that she can enjoy every moment of it.

We took "Ella" to the movies for her 14th birthday. Even though she lives only five miles from the mall (a 50 cents bus ride), she has never been to a mall before, much less to a "real movie theatre". At 14 years old, she fell forward going up the escalator- it was her first time. It is not that she lives in a rural area where there are no malls or escalators- she lives in a big city with huge malls- she lives right in the middle of it all. While other people from her neighborhood shop, she was always doing other things- things that no child should have ever been doing. Things that no child would ever want to do.

This was not just her first movie, her first time at the mall, one of her few times ever "eating out".... this was the first birthday that she has had in a very, very, very long time that she is able to laugh, that she doesn't have to be worried or fearful, that she can be in a car with people she trusts- knowing that they are going to take her to a place to bless her- not to rape her. It's her first birthday that she can celebrate the year to come knowing that it is going to be different, that she has hope for a new life. This is her first birthday "tradition, her first time getting cake, her first time in many years that she is being celebrated and not sold.

Just last week I watched her testimony that he had recorded months back. The girl I saw on the screen was someone I almost did not recognize. I saw a bitter, scared, tormented, broken, used, abused, shut off little girl. I listened to her story of bring blindfolded and driven to the place where she was sold. I listened through tears about her time as a child prostitute- about the darkness in her life- about the hopelessness of her future. I heard horrific stories of abuse, of innocence lost, of a childhood robbed.

That's not the same little girl that sits between Carlos and I in the movie theater.
The "Ella" that I know today on her birthday is a new girl- it's a girl with a smile, a child with a hope, a child who is healing through Christ's love, a girl who is being redeemed. A girl who is free.

Fatherless- Promise of the Presence

I’ve never met anyone on the streets who has a loving father in their lives if they have a father at all. Many of them were sold into prostitution by their father; some even raped and impregnated by their father. Some are nothing more than “daddy’s little earner”. Most of them are fatherless. 

Our generation is looking for dad- and we’ll go anywhere or do anything to find him. Fatherlessness is the engine that is driving most of our nation’s problems. 

I see these girls on the streets, and the ones we have helped to leave the streets, looking for ‘daddy’. I remember myself being one of those girls looking for dad. When daddy leaves, these little girls, these little flowers wilt. The girls I work with are the extreme- or maybe just a more evident outward expression of what the fatherless wilt to when dad leaves- these little wilted flowers. The fatherless is the cause of the sons rage and the daughter’s decay. 

I see my little girls here, the sweet little girls that God has entrusted to me through this ministry. These little girls who didn’t have daddy to protect them- these little girls who have never before experienced any type of healthy relationship with a man. These little girls who after being abused and raped for so many years as child prostitutes, have withered. They have sunken so far inside of themselves and have completely separated themselves from their hearts. These little girls have never before heard what all little girls long to hear as they twirl around in twirly dressed yelling without words "do you see me? am I beautiful? do I matter"- longing to hear their father say "I love you. I see you. I am proud of you. You are so beautiful and you matter".

As the church- we are called to notice. How will they ever know that their heavenly Father's heart is literally breaking to tell them these things unless we, those who he has entrusted to be HIS physical representation in the Earth, tell them. We can not walk past as the “religious” people did when they simply failed to notice the man that the good samaritan finally saw. Not that they were bad people- they were the best religious leaders of the day- but were too busy. We can not grow too busy. 

As the church- we must step into the lives of the fatherless with the same intimacy in which God enters our lives at the incarnation. One of God’s most precious promises is the ‘promise of the presence’. How can these children believe in the invisible presence of the almighty God  without His church’s presence in their lives? We as the church have to step in and echo God’s promise of the presence, “I am with you. I am here for you. I care for you.” 

Who are those people that God has called you to step into their lives in an intentional way?

I have a small testimony among many that I want to share because it shows the power of our small presence. There is a little girl named Ally that is a part of our ministry. She and I have grown closer and closer since the first time I met her when she was 12- when she was still being exploited. Through simply stepping into this child’s life, walking with her, trying my best to love her, I have seen Jesus’s presence be able to penetrate her heart little by little. We helped her get off the streets- and later found out that she was pregnant- a child conceived by rape. When she first told me that she wanted to name her child after me, I was speechless. Having only known this child for 8 months- seeing her on average twice a week- she already wanted to name a baby after me? It was one of the most humbling things, pushing me to tears. Thinking that no one else had ever shown up in her life before echoing the same message of God, “I’m here for you, I will walk with you, you can depend on me.”

It is critical that we show up in the lives of this fatherless generation, how can you make a change in a child’s life? Ask the Lord, "God, what would you have me do for the fatherless?"

If you would like more information on how you can support our ministry in Costa Rica, please email me at sidney.eure@gmail.com 

Justice conference!

I had a fabulous time at the Justice Conference 2013! We met some incredible people who love the work of justice and expanding the kingdom of God!

Here is Freedom Street & YWAM San Jose's booth! 

                          "Mercy, detached from Justice, grows unmerciful." C.S. Lewis